Full Title: Hard 2 Get: a girls’ guide 2 guided ‘shakara’
Welcome to the maiden edition of SoftSaturdays. It is with great joy and relief (to finally let out my non-academic side) that I commence these new series of exclusive saturday pieces. Here is more information on SoftSaturdays.
Shakara**: a Nigerian-English term for act, feign, bluff, pass off, simulate
Shakara in the context of this post is what happens when a guy likes a girl, is in the process of wooing her and she feigns non-interest for a while, before she finally consents to be in a mutually-exclusive relationship with him; an arrangement often dubbed dating. The shakara process could last as long as 1-10 months. Beyond that, I suggest the guy should just lend himself brain (i.e. forget the girl) and walk away.
I don’t know if shakara cuts across girls from all races or if it’s cultural at all, but I do know my African sisters put a touch of perfection to the act. I’ve had friends pine and whine over their crush/ feelings for a guy, yet keep a straight face when he finally approaches them to express himself. Magic! At first I didn’t get it, now I’m a champion for shakara, LOL. However, this isn’t about me okay.
Have you ever heard the theory “guys like to conquer”. It states that if you don’t give them the opportunity to put up a chase for your heart, you would lose them before you could even encode the statement, “yes I like you too”. I’ve observed this theory to be true with most guys, while with some, it hasn’t been very successful.
I am thus proposing “guided shakara” for the minute percentage with whom “shakara or no shakara” doesn’t count (there I go sounding like a researcher again *sigh*). In fact, this write-up is about the little percentage with whom ‘shakara’ would backfire wilder than a campfire. Please by all means, include shakara in your dealings, but try not to deal blindly.
Many a woman have missed their true life partners to unbridled display of shakara. I remember watching the TV with a family relative named Y one day. A popular man was on air and his story suggested he was apparently successful. Y shook her head and said, “do you know this man wooed my friend X for a very long time, when she kept acting up he moved on.” X, the lady, happens to presently be in a living and marital situation that I don’t envy at all.
I see Shakara as a means of testing what this man who is on your case is really after. Are his intentions genuine, or it’s just about the thrill of the chase? When you apply you shakara skills in this manner, I classify it as guided and healthy. A true man would stand the test and pass in flying colours – but it’s up to you to draw your marking scheme. If how many gifts he gives you, how much recharge cards (Top-Up) he buys for you, did he shop at Primark or Harrods for you the last time he travelled overseas, are your criteria, na u sabi (i.e. you are on your own). I hope I’m making sense.
Guided Shakara would test his resolve. This is where you attempt to find out if it’s the thrill or he really believes he’s found what he is looking for. I don’t mean to bring my media-junkie-journalese into this piece, but just the same way I would take a Press Release from a PR firm with a pinch of salt, I would take his words with 2 table spoon-full actually. He tells you, you are his first true love, he cant sleep, can’t eat, can’t drink, can’t even breath (honey, are you a dead man talking?) – your guided shakara would reveal the unspoken and true intentions IF you are perceptive.
Unguided shakara, I mean shakara-for-the -fun-of-it is dangerous. The danger lies in the fact that he’ll get you at the end of the day when you’ll be at his mercy emotionally, and you’ll pay. Lucky you if he is the kind type :). Also, you may drive away serious-minded, visionary and goal-driven men that way, because they do not have time for … fill the gap.
No woman should be an easy catch. No! That is not what i’m saying. Every woman should however know what she wants, spot it when she finds, and guardedly claim it.
I am no expert is relationship issues… this piece is inspired purely by personal observation and stories I have heard. I do hope I have managed to entertain you somehow in the process. Do share your thoughts with me, should women employ shakara or not in dealing with men? I’m looking forward to reactions :))
Watch this space, same day next week!
Media Junkie as a Softie
Have a splendid Weekend!